Service and Sacrifice Read online

  “Brothers, this is Amanda.” Alex stepped off the bike and stood next to her, his posture stiff and uncomfortable. “Amanda, these are my brothers. Blade, Wolf, and Neptune.”

  She nodded and smiled, aware of the measuring gazes on her. Then the man called Blade grinned broadly, and she huffed out a surprised laugh because he looked delighted at something. “Damn, Monk, this girl’s too pretty for you.”

  Alex hadn’t relaxed, still ramrod straight, so she bucked up her courage like she’d done the first time she’d texted him and wiggled in against him, not stopping until his arm was over her shoulder. She threaded her fingers through his, like he’d done earlier, and gave him a squeeze. “Oh, he’s the pretty one. I’ve got the catch of the year here.”

  Acceptance and appreciation flashed over the faces of the three men, followed by laughter. “Gas up, brother,” said the one called Wolf. “Then get your pretty lady back on the bike and let’s ride.”

  Fourteen

  Monk

  Couldn’t have asked for a better day. He glided them to a halt at the curb, then changed his mind and swung back out into the street. Amanda’s fingers clutched at his shirt at the unexpected movement as he turned to ride up the drive and onto the flat pad just in front of her garage door. Might as well make a statement she can’t misunderstand. He’d already promised her things would change today, and with the way she’d responded, confidence and uncertainty in the same breath, he wanted to see where this could go. No more dropping her off at the curb. No more watching her waving form grow smaller in the mirror. No more hearing her huffed sigh of disappointment as I say goodbye.

  She stood up off the bike and looked at him, and just that attention had his dick perking up. Because, if the smile on Amanda’s face was any measure, she not only hadn’t mistaken his intent, she was entirely on board with the idea. Then she parted her sweet lips and asked him, “Come inside?”

  Alex took her in for a moment, fingers clasped in front of her belly, twisted into a complicated knot he wanted to solve. Her bottom lip disappeared, then slowly released as she raked the flesh with her teeth. She’s nervous. Probably just as nervous as he’d been to introduce her to his brothers, his friends, his corps here at home. Not that he’d expected they’d do anything to embarrass him, but it had mattered that she liked them. She’d met that challenge head on, making it clear to everyone how she felt about him, and her willing actions had gone a long way towards settling his gut. She fit, and his brothers knew it as well as he did.

  Now it was his turn to set her at ease. Alex got off the bike and stepped closer, shuffling forward until their toes met and she had to stretch her neck to look up at him. Lips parted, she stared into his eyes, waiting. Gonna stay out here for this first one. What he wanted to do wasn’t something he was ashamed of, nothing he wanted to hide. So fuckin’ pretty. Fingers to her chin, he cupped her jaw in his palm and ghosted a caress over the apple of her cheek with his thumb, the difference between her satin skin and his calluses stark. So fuckin’ sweet. Then he leaned in and pressed his lips to hers.

  Amanda sighed under his touch, mouth moving under him, and she opened sweetly when he touched the tip of his tongue to her lips in gentle exploration. Minutes passed as he kissed her, as she kissed him back, as the stars turned and wheeled overhead, and something in the world clicked into place for one brief moment.

  She was panting when he pulled back, and he was the same, breaths coming hard and fast. Alex smiled as she reached for the door.

  He let her lead him inside, then closed the door firmly, shutting out the world, closing her in here with him.

  “Alex.” His name was a breath on her lips as she turned, fingers still twined with his. Two strides separated them, and he covered the distance quickly, swaying to a stop in front of her. It felt like his insides were quaking, and with fingers shaking, he lifted his hand to her face, framing her smile.

  “Amanda.” The curl of her mouth broadened, spread, and he felt the heat from her open mouth on his lips when he leaned in close. “I got a want inside me.” She was the one to cover the distance this time, traveling that final inch to press her lips to his.

  “We’ll save the house tour for later, then.”

  Eyes closed, he fell into her kiss, exploring every inch of her mouth, dueling with her tongue in a sensual slide and twist. Bam, stiffy, he thought, and smiled. That happened with her. He’d ridden hundreds of the best and most uncomfortable miles with her wrapped around him on the bike, his cock beating time on his zipper to come out and play. Lifting their joined hands, he brought her fingers to the notch of his throat and gave a squeeze, sighing into her mouth when she abandoned her hold to wrap around the back of his neck. He trailed the backs of his knuckles in a light touch down her other shoulder, past her elbow to find her fingers spread, waiting on him. He gripped and squeezed, huffing a laugh when she returned it with a pleased hum far back in her throat. “You wanna touch me?”

  “Oh, yes.” Her whispered response was immediate, gratifying in its eagerness, but threaded through with a tinge of shyness that told him he had to take care with her, always. As if I’d do anything but.

  Pressing her palm against his chest, he covered her hand with his. “Here?” Her fingers spasmed under his and slid down an inch at his urging. “Here?” The grip on his neck tightened and relaxed, nails scratching lightly at the base of his skull. At his urging, her other hand slipped down another few inches, nearly to his waist. “Here?”

  “Alex.” He thought he could get used to hearing his name like she said it now, softly and filled with more plea than complaint.

  Fingers wrapped in the back of her shirt, he pulled her towards him as she arched instinctively, their hips meeting in the middle. Heat seeped into him everywhere they touched, and Amanda’s lips parted when he pressed his stiff cock against her, breath speeding its way to a pant. “I got a want for you, Amanda. I want you.” He knew this house was hers alone. Martin had never been here. His ghost wouldn’t be waiting in any corner to trip her up. But Alex also knew she hadn’t been with anyone since Martin died, which meant her dead husband would be in her head. He wanted to exorcise him before they got to the naked part of the evening so it would be just him and Amanda in her bed. “You want to stop at any time, for any reason, I’m not going to be pissed. I treasure what we’ve got, what we’re building, and it’s worth the wait. I just wanted you to know that, honey. You’re worth the wait, if you want to put the brakes on.” He flattened his palm against her lower back, grinding against her lightly. “I’ve played this out in my head a thousand ways, and not one of them disappoints, so no matter how this goes down, I’m where I want to be. I’m not willing to lose you, any part of you. I like what I’ve got—and, Amanda, I need you, so don’t think you’ll run me off if you tell me not yet.”

  “Silly man.” She tipped her head back and found his eyes with her unflinching gaze. “You’ve been the one holding back. I’ve wanted you for a long time, Alex Waterman. You’ll not get out of bedding me that easily.”

  From her smile, she’d expected his snorted laugh. “Bedding you? That’s how you’re describing what I wanna do?”

  “I want too, Alex. But the one way sounds too crude for what I want to do with you.” She hesitated, and he saw uncertainty in her expression before she shrugged lightly and finished, “The other way to describe it, I’m not ready for.” A pause, so tiny it could have been missed, but he didn’t. “Yet.”

  “Yet.” He echoed her word softly and she nodded. “But maybe?” Eyelashes brushing the rising red of her cheeks, she nodded. “Someday soon?” Her chin angled towards her shoulder, neck arching as she nodded a third time. “Where’s the bedroom, Amanda?” He gripped her hand and stepped back, pleased when she swayed forwards against the loss of his body. A short hallway led off the living room, and he angled that way. Two doors bracketed the end of the hall, and at her direction, he opened the one on the left, towards the back of the house. Then they were in the r
oom, door closed, shades darkening the weak rays of the setting sun, and he turned to her, lowering his mouth to hers.

  Alex allowed his possessiveness and passion to roll through him, transferring to her with every touch as he stripped her bare. She stood before him, pale skin glowing in the low light, and he made quick work of undressing, kissing her between movements and gathering her to him when they were both naked.

  She groaned as his arms tightened around her, lifting, then sighed against his mouth when he swept the covers out of the way and positioned her on the bed. Desperate for the touch of her bare skin, heat blazing along every inch of him, Alex stretched out to cover her, his hips falling between her open legs as he buried his face against her neck. “God, this. Just this, Amanda.”

  “Alex.” Her palms grazed his sides, one traveling up, one traveling down, until her fingers curled around their destinations. She pulled as her hips lifted and he ground down against her, rigid cock trapped between them. Her nails scratching along his scalp, he went along when she urged his head to turn, and their lips met, mouths open and tongues tangling. They kissed until breathless, until he was rutting against her, ridge of his cockhead pressing and rubbing against her pussy, her clit, wet and heat and Amanda all around him as he slipped and slid against her.

  He paused with a groan and muttered, “Condom.” Utterance as much a wake-up call for himself as a question for her, he didn’t expect any response.

  “I’m on birth control.”

  Alex lifted his head and looked down at her, hair spread across the pillows, pupils blown wide and dark with passion. “You are?” That shy angle of her chin towards the point of her shoulder made him understand, but he needed to know. “For this?” She licked her lips, puffy and reddened from his kisses. His, no one else’s. Mine. “Amanda, when did you go on BC?”

  She raked her bottom lip between her teeth, cheeks again flagging red when she confessed, “Four months ago.”

  Two months after they started riding together.

  One month before she’d asked him in the first time.

  Certain of the answer, he still asked the question. “For me?” She nodded, and he angled his hips to drag his cock up between her pussy lips again, grazing across her clit. “You want this?” She stared at him for a long moment, then lifted and pressed her mouth to his, fitting against him as if they’d always been together, as if there’d never been anyone before him. As if there’ll be no one after me. Determination filled him to make that thought into truth.

  He stroked up, then down, down, down until the head of his cock caught at her entrance. “I want no one but you, Amanda.” On that proclamation, he pushed in, her tight heat wrapping around him, pulsing against his shaft as she quaked inside. In, then out, then in again deeper, repeat, repeat, until an eternity later he was buried inside her. “You didn’t want to put a name to it earlier, but I’m gonna tell you right now.” He rocked deeper, her hips rising up against him, drawing him down. “This is me making love to the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with.” She made a helpless sound, wound her arms around his neck, and pulled. Alex went easily, wanting nothing more than to kiss her senseless as he loved on her.

  They kissed as he moved over her, as she lifted and fell beneath him, as they came together in an act that felt natural and right, and something he wanted to do again and again. Faster then, chasing her orgasm first, he pushed up on his arms to look at her. He told her to touch herself, wanting to see that, to feel how she tensed at the first tentative brush of her finger against her clit, the heat from her hand between them, and captured her fingers in his mouth on a demanding suck afterwards. The tight clasp around his dick never lessened, the slick glide into her wet heat never flagging.

  Alex dipped his head and pulled her nipple into his mouth, sucking hard and finding her so responsive there he brought her to a second peak just before he lost control. Pounding into her, the knowledge she’d be sore later had his inner caveman roaring with pleasure at the idea that she’d feel him afterwards. Then something tipped inside, and heat that had been coiled and waiting at the base of his spine rocketed through his chest and limbs. Dancing sparks filled the edges of his vision and he kissed her through it all, groaning his pleasure down her throat. Her arms and legs wrapped tight around him while he plunged and thrust erratically, finally going deep and holding as his cock pulsed and throbbed.

  “God, Alex.” The strained murmur was the first thing he heard over the pounding of his heart. “I love you, too.”

  Elbows braced on either side of her head, he stared down at her beautiful face. Strands of hair stuck to one cheek, she was covered in sweat just like him and looked sated and happy. “You do?”

  She pressed a clenched fist against her stomach. “I feel it here.” Palm spread over her chest, she said, “And here.” Her hand lifted to his face, fingers trailing through his beard before cupping his cheek. The graze of her thumb swept across his lips. “I love you.”

  “I’m so fuckin’ glad. Nothing I wanted more.” Leaning down, he dragged his lips along the edge of her jaw, pausing when his mouth was next to her ear. “You make me fuckin’ happy, Amanda. So happy.”

  Fifteen

  Amanda

  She shifted restlessly as she woke, sheets a silken glide against her legs. There was a huff of air against the back of her neck, and she smiled when a large hand landed on her hip, sliding along her skin until it cupped her breast. Heat all along her back was testimony to a level of cuddling she hadn’t expected from Alex. His breathing settled again, slowing as he drifted deeper into slumber. A glance at the clock on the nightstand revealed they’d only been asleep an hour or so, and she wondered what had woken her.

  After not sharing her bed with anyone for years, she supposed it could just be the novelty of having another body in her space. She shifted again and sighed contentedly when she recognized the gentle throb between her legs. Alex had expressed a pleased surprise after round two, pulling her close and gifting her with more of his history. She hadn’t known about the ED issues, and the idea of him dealing with that alongside his PTSD was troubling. He was a good man, the best, and deserved so much more.

  Alex jerked, making a low, pained sound far back in his throat, and his hand slipped away as he rolled to his back. “No.” The guttural refusal filled the room. “Fuckin’ no, brother.”

  She turned to face Alex, keeping her distance. Martin had nightmares sometimes, and she’d painfully learned not to startle him awake.

  “Hold on.” Garbled and roughened with emotion, Alex’s voice sounded tortured. “I told you to hold on.” His hands worked into and out of fists, almost as if he were trying to keep a grip on something. “Fuckin’ hold, man. Hold.”

  As she had with Martin, Amanda tried to insert herself into the reality playing out in Alex’s head. “Alex. You’re safe. I promise, you’re safe. You’re with me. You’re here, home, with me.” His head jerked to the side, closed eyes aimed her direction, and his labored muttering paused for a moment. “I promise, you’re safe, Alex.”

  His body seized, every muscle visibly tightening. Then the tension rushed out of him with a whoosh of air and he blinked at her before shoving to a sitting position. Wrist propped on his knee, he wiped at his face with his other hand. “I hurt you?”

  “What?” Amanda was disconcerted at his rapid awakening and immediate lucidity. Martin had always fumbled around in that half-sleep state for minutes before fully waking.

  “Did. I. Hurt. You?” Alex angled his face towards the door, away from her.

  “No, Alex.” Amanda shook her head. “You were talking was all. I just tried to help you wake. You didn’t hurt me, not at all.”

  “You sure?” His voice was uneven, ragged and filled with pain. “I didn’t hurt you?”

  “No. No. You didn’t. Promise.”

  “What the fuck are you doin’ all the way over there, then?” His head swiveled and Alex stared at her, eyes reddened from the emotions he was still
suppressing.

  Amanda moved to him then, straddling his hips with her knees and wrapping both arms around his shoulders. Alex folded himself around her, face buried in the crook of her neck, and a moment later, she felt the wet there.

  “I’m here, Alex.” Cheek pressed to the side of his head, she held him tightly. “I’m here.”

  It took a while, more than an hour by the clock, but he eventually was soothed by her touch, her mouth, her words. The shaking in his limbs slowly faded until all that remained was exhaustion. At some point they’d shifted around in the bed, lying on their sides, pressed close together. It was in that position, skin to skin, that he gave her his secrets. The men he’d saved, forever altered by the cost of war. The men he’d lost, faces turning pale and gray under his gaze.

  Their voices trailed to nothing, his stories coming to an end followed by a final repeat of Amanda’s reassurance that she was there, with him, always with him.

  “Pretty heavy stuff for our first time.” Alex sighed deeply, the air in his lungs blowing out in a long stream over Amanda’s shoulder.

  “Pretty heavy,” she agreed and tightened her hold when he would have moved away. “You’ve been carrying this for a long time.”

  Silence greeted her statement before his hair brushed against her neck as he nodded.

  She smiled with love for her strong, silent man. And then marveled at the thought that he was hers. He’s mine. “I’ve got you, Alex. Thank you for trusting me to help. Let me carry it for a while.”